To be one of them...

This will be quite a different type of post than you are used to. Nonetheless, I hope we all learn something from it. I pray that it doesn't disappoint you but encourages you to look deeper inside of who you are and ask yourself if you were "To be one of them..." I must admit, at times I fall short and allow myself "to be one of them."

I am currently in the book of Job. This, FYI, is my absolute favorite book of the Bible but one of the most painful for me to read. Painful, eh? Yes. I embrace what it must have felt like to be a man of such gain and a man of such loss...yet a perfect man stablished and strengthened by his faith in Him. To be like Job would be to have experienced love and to have it completely stripped from you; to have a partner that outright does NOT support you in the least, to experience riches to rags; and to experience trust in relationships turn to betrayal and persecution by those you call your friends. Wow--if that's not enough to torment one, throw in some vanity issues of being covered in "boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown." So, yes, I say painful. Eh?

There is so much in this book to learn when talking about trust and faith, yet that is not the angle I am writing from today. Instead I want to talk to you about Job's friends and how we should all take heed that we would not be referred as "To be one of them." Let me explain. I was reading the Bible and began searching what type of friends Job had. I believe they had good intentions to support him and to console him. Scripture says, "they wept...rent their mantles...sprinkled dust upon their heads...sat w/him 7 days and 7 nights and none spake a word.... (Job 2:11-13) Great friends to come and mourn and comfort him!!!

Later on we read that his friends can no longer withhold themselves from speaking (4:2) and Eliphaz begins by asking Job, "Who ever perished, being innocent? or where were the righteous cut off?" Eliphaz, continues on, "...they that plow iniquity and sow wickedness, reap the same." What a friend. This is his way of using the biblical principle of sowing vs. reaping to explain to his friend why he is in this situation. Basically, Eliphaz is telling Job--you earned this torture, you must have done some act(s) or deed(s) to bring about these consequences. Wow, I say to you, wouldn't you like to have this friend--the one who tells you it's all your fault. Or how about worse yet, what if you were this type of friend you would fall into the category "To be one of them." Ouch!

Then comes his other buddy, Bildad, who thinks Job is a hypocrite. After Job just gets done answering the attack of Eliphaz, Bildad the buddy comes along and disregards anything that Job has just defended. Bildad says, "How long wilt thou speak these things? and how long shall the words of thy mouth be like a strong wind?" I imagine this as your friend sitting on the edge of their seat waiting for you to pause so that they can jump in and get their point across totally blocking out anything you have just said. My interpretation would be, "when will you stop blowing smoke? Just stop pretending and get to the bottom of this so we can get on w/our lives." Again I ask you, would you like to have this buddy? or could we count you "to be one of them?"

Job again, the upright man he is, defends his position and relationship w/God and mankind. He even gets to the point where, I believe he is getting fed up w/his friends. (Job 10:20) He says, "...cease then and let me alone, that I may take comfort a little."

Enters Zophar, the friend who not only thinks Job is a hypocrite (like Buddy Bildad) but he thinks he is also a Liar! He is all over Job's case asking him, "should thy lies make men hold their peace?" He continues trying to persuade Job "if iniquity be in thine hand, put it far away..."
I ask myself and you, do you feel this way toward your friends? Worse yet, do you allow your feelings to come to fruition and make your friend know you feel this way? To our shame we would be labeled "To be one of them."

These three amigos turn into three stooges the deeper we get into the book! They just continue to press Job and try him with other tactics, proverbs and accusations. All the while, Job continues to answer and express his undying affection and faith in God.

I say all this because we do always think that we as friends need to have something to say to the other as they are experiencing a trial. We need to take heed that all that God does and allows is for our ultimate good!

• "For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for His sake" (Phil. 1:29)
• "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him..." (Job 13:15)
• "He knoweth the way that I take:when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold" (Job 23:10)
• "Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to Him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator" (1 Peter 4:19)
• "My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9)
• 1 Peter 5:6-11

My prayer is that I would not be counted "To be one of them". It is not my desire to discourage any of my sisters or brothers in the Lord. I would pray that this would cause each of us to look more closely as to how we "judge" others and "help" them thru their trials. "To be one of them" (a friend like the one's Job had) is not my/our goal. Instead, we should continue to remind ourselves, "There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus...no not one...no not one!" and point our friends to the Cross!!!!

"A BIG lesson from a lil' critter"

As you know, I thrive on overanalyzing everything. Therefore, whenever I am around and hear or see something I try to find some of “God” in all things. I mean, after all, He is the Creator of all things and He is the Omniscient, Omnipresent Holy One. So shouldn’t we take the things of this world and use them to talk about things of God?
It should come as no surprise that this story will be another one of those “God moments!”

I accepted an invitation to dinner at a friend’s house. The story that was shared that night at dinner was that while out in the garage a noise was heard. When my friend looked around, two little beady eyes were staring straight in his face. (I imagine this as two beasts facing each other eye ball to eye ball!) My friend warned the lil critter, what he was about to do. He issued a warning that went something like this: “Muskrat (Ummm we’ll talk about my friend’s lack of animal identification knowledge later), we can do this the easy way (STOMPS to attempt to make the animal flinch and flee) or the hard way (as he grabs an axe handle…just the handle). In his own words, “He gave it space to repent and it repented not.” So… when the “muskrat” (later correctly identified by mua as an opossum!), chose not to flee for his life--my friend grabbed an empty garbage can in one hand, armed w/the axe handle in the other—and whacked the rodent into the can. Tada! Problem solved. He placed the can outside of the garage and now he had earned bragging rights to the story and a “critter in the can” to prove its validity. Hence, this became the beginning of our dinner conversation.

After dinner, we went out to look at the “critter in the can” and I properly identified it as an opossum. (Did I mention that I was the one to do this already? LOL) To my surprise, it was just laying there. It wasn’t playing dead…it just stared up at us. It didn’t even try to escape…no clawing its way out of the pit that it was put in. It just laid there waiting to be freed by the one who put him there. The next day, the family decided it was time to let the opossum free. When they did so, the opossum (not a very smart animal I have realized) stood there. Now, I don’t know about you, but I would think it would run like the wind! Not so! It stood there—looked at its captor and then finally sauntered away—almost like it was asking, “Really? I should go?” Eventually it took off and went on its way. The next day, I saw an opossum dead at the end of our street. Wonder if it was the same opossum? Funny, it didn’t want to be freed…then once it was it didn’t know what to do or where to go.

So, I saw the dead opossum the next day and then began to seriously ponder the spiritual application. I mean why else would I have to see a dead opossum the very next day if it wasn’t meant for me to think more about? I have already described mostly what I had thought but isn’t this animal a lot like us? Creatures that don’t live in the water (Opossums….muskrats live near or in it) find themselves in trouble---When we as Christian’s stay away from the Word (Living Water)—we too find ourselves scrambling around making noise and being up to no good. Along comes our way to escape and we stare it right in the face—like we dare it! As if we are actually strong or smart enough to overcome our temptations and weaknesses on our own by looking directly in the face of them eye to eye. Suddenly, we become trapped and are laying there helpless until we can be set free. We become comfortable “critters in the can” and some of us lay around almost dead and helpless waiting to be rescued while others try to scratch and claw our ways out of the pit.

I googled information about this rodent and found that opposums are usually nomadic, staying in one area as long as food and water are easily available. Though they will temporarily occupy abandoned burrows, they do not dig or put much effort into building their own. They favor dark, secure areas, below ground or above. Interesting that they prefer darkness and the easy way to survive...without any real effort--so unlike the Christian life where we should avoid darkness and understand that our walk will be a difficult yet an eternally rewarding one.

Again parrellelling the opossum, when Our Savior frees us from the bondage we chose to get involved in, we stare blankly as if we don’t want to be freed. We pause. Stare blankly. And ask, “Really, I should go?” Some of us do flee from the things that hold us captive. Some of us return to them because it’s a familiar place for us to stay. Others try to run and don’t look the right direction and end up like the opossum at the end of my street.

So as I started to conclude this I began to wonder why not a "muskrat?" So, Miss Overanalyzer that I am, I googled them up too. Guess what their nickname is? "Water rats" because they dwell in the water. I think we could learn a thing or two here as well.

Huh? Who knew I could learn so much from rodents? Oh wait—God knew! Amen?

"SO MUCH....YET SO LITTLE"

Yesterday, I became more aware of how I am blessed beyond all measure and have “So Much...” As I pondered this at the night’s end and replayed the day’s events, I increasingly became sensitive to the fact that I have “So Much….Yet So Little.” Read on and you will see how the Lord touched my heart yesterday. May my mind and covetousness be changed thru the experience of “my yesterday”.

I traveled to a town quite a ways from home. As I took this road trip, I thought of how strange life is. We spend our lives trying so hard to figure out what life is truly all about. Some find Jesus and live life “more abundantly” thru the Hope of Salvation thru Him. Some struggle with many forms of “temporary satisfaction” as they hungrily seek for fulfillment—maybe its sex, drugs, alcohol, money, work…the list goes on. Some even believe that “he who has the most toys wins!”

As I journeyed away from home and went to my destination, I pulled into a trailer park. Now, I have nothing against this form of dwellings and I definitely do not discriminate or pre judge those that abide here.

As I pulled up to the trailer, I became nervous. My stomach did little flips as I saw the women gathered in a circle sitting in fold-up chairs awaiting my arrival. I stepped out of the van, wearing my work clothes and approached the ladies. One was dressed in dingy corduroy pants—later she explained that there were “meat chunks” on them because she wraps meat for a living—a T-shirt that had a grey hue to it and sneakers that were an off-brand. The children that were with her had pants on them that were about two inches too short for them and none of them were wearing socks…later she explained there weren’t any clean. The kitchen sink overflowed with dishes—and when I had used the bathroom she explained that they were out of toilet paper and were kinda just multi-using baby wipes.

While I drove home and even into the night I couldn’t help but think about the children at the trailer park. They didn’t ask for this life. They didn’t ask to have “used toys” and “hand me down” clothes that don’t fit. They didn’t ask to live in a trailer park and not have a car to go places. These poor children! In my heart, I wept. I felt sad that they had so little. I regretted having “So much.” I contemplated how fortunate I was that this was not the life I had to live. Passing thoughts of sending the children clothes and Christmas presents entered my head. I thought, despite the fact that I am a single mother of two kids we do not have to live this way. We are blessed beyond all measures. I was humbled.

I began to pray for them…everyone I had met and their children. Suddenly my eyes were open. Now, let me tell you what I saw.

As I entered the main drive, I was surrounded by gleeful, little people with great big grins—you know the ones as big as big gets! Their faces shown with joy—it’s as if the moon was casting beams directly onto their precious little faces. The sound of laughter filled the air as they excitedly ran to welcome me. I unrolled my window and they shouted “follow us, we’ll show you the way” and then some hopped onto bikes and others ran ahead of my van—and they caravanned me all the way to my expected location. As I sat around waiting and observing all the activity that surrounded me. I was welcomed and invited into this group for whoever I was. They sat and chatted with me like they had known me forever—as if I were one of their closest friends. I watched as all the children played with one another like they were all family. They stuck up for each other when “outside kids” tried to enter the territory and they had compassion on one another if one fell or got injured. I giggled watching some of the “messy-faced lil’ children” ramble around carrying their big ol’ bag of potato chips as they stumbled down the stairs following the big kids. I enjoyed seeing the “big kids” tend to the “lil messy faced children” as if they were their own! The love, care taking and protection that I witnessed were remarkable.

My heart smiled. Then it dawned on me. These children may have less “stuff” than I do—but they had so much love! I have “So Much…yet So Little!” My pastor said, “Everything we own, Owns us!” How true and how real this statement has become after journeying away for a couple hours into a different place.

My prayer is that I would be more thankful. My prayer is that I would love more and laugh often. My prayer is that I could teach my children to appreciate each other and people more than “stuff.” My prayer is that I will learn to enjoy love as much as God intends us to. He who has the most toys…definitely does not win!

Seasoned Seized-One

Let me start by sharing my love for the word "season." Some time ago, a sweet friend of mine in the church shared the significance of this word in her life w/me and explained how God repeatedly has used this word to talk w/her. Since hearing this, the word has become special to my heart and I have adopted this word into my life as a hope and understanding of the realization of the ever changing "seasons" of relationships, life and spiritual growth.

So the word "seasoned" is not exactly defined as that...but when I said it aloud--I knew I was being spoken to. Here's the story:

I purchased a pampered chef bar pan. (This is another fancy and pricey way of saying a stoneware cookie sheet w/edges.) I decided to make brownies in this "magnificent stone" that proclaimed it "cooked evenly and would make you want to get rid of all your other cookware." So...I mix up the batch of brownies, read the directions for the "bar pan." No problem...it reads "may have to shorten the cooking time but be sure to check for doneness and use oil/high fat for the 1st usage." Simple as that :-) I cooked up the brownies as the aroma lingered thru-out the house. I checked the doneness after 10-12 minutes (recipe called for 15-20) and out comes a clean toothpick. Tada! Perfect. I remove them from the oven and set them on the cooling rack. A short time passes and I go back to equally divide and cut these great smelling, tantalizing, tempting indulgences. Ummm....I'll have to get a different knife. Ummm....how about the pizza cutter...No... Ummm....why can't I cut thru these?

I pick up the phone (this should be of no surprise! lol) and call one of my absolute favorite women--who owns some of these stoneware pieces. I explain the situation and inquire as to "what could I have possible done wrong?" I also remind her that "I can't even get these brownies off of the pan to clean the stone!!!" (Lots of laughter follows this comment.)
Meanwhile, I chisel. I scrape and finally pieces fly across the room like hockey pucks flying thru the air-- (at this point, my friend is in total hysterics and now her family is chiding in alongside her). She finally says--"Just soak them in water and then they will loosen up. " Then she asked, "Is the pan seasoned?"

Me: Gulp.--I oiled it, I replied.

Her: Yeah, but did you season it? Is this your first time using it? Have you used it before and allowed it to get seasoned?

Me: Ummm...nope--but I oiled it. A lot.

Her: Well, you might not have much luck w/brownies in it. Try chicken or bacon or something like that. Or how about calling the pampered chef consultant?

We: Giggle and chuckle--then her husband chimes in--"Tell Christina I can teach her how to bake!"

Me: Absolute embarrassment.

~~Later on~~
The eldest daughter of the friend above says, "Bet you'll find something for your blog out of this one. LOL!!"

.......And so I accepted the challenge. After prayerful consideration--here it is:

With these stone pans, one must "season" them to prepare them for the best possible usage. This means you must cook a lot of greasy, fatty stuff in them repeatedly at high temperatures until they get "discolored" and leave these nasty-looking marks on them. These marks actually make the stoneware nice and smooth becoming non-stick and hence finally become the perfect pan you have always wanted in your kitchen.

SPIRITUAL APPLICATION:
Like the stoneware, we want to be used as the perfect pan. Who doesn't want to be as II Timothy 2:21 states~ "...a vessel meet for the masters use..."? Only one problem w/this desire. We as humans want so badly to be involved in His work and to be put to usage immediately but we haven't been properly "seasoned." We try to forge ahead and get discouraged that we aren't ready to do "these great things" of God w/out first being prepared by repeatedly going thru the fire doing the greasy, fatty things that are required. We have to go thru some things that will "discolor" us, stain and leave nasty marks on us. This is to prepare and perfect us--not to harm us!! Only after we are completely seasoned will we be "...vessels...meet for the Master's use..."

Now that you understand and hopefully grasped the "seasoned" portion of this post, let's discuss being a "seized one." The word "seized" has many definitions:
(A) To grasp mentally w/the mind
(B) To take hold of suddenly
(C) To possess by force or by will
(D) To capture; to take custody
(E) To have an overwhelming effect on
(F) Take as one's own

I believe, as a born-again, Bible believing Christian, I can claim to be a "Seized One" of Christ. I believe (A) I have mentally grasped the true meaning of salvation and (B) have taken ahold of Jesus Christ's eternal gift of his shed blood and now (C) am possessed by Him as a child of the King by His perfect will, (D) taken into His custody eternally w/a captured heart that seeks His face (E) to the point it has consumed and had an overwhelming effect on my life (F) and now He has taken me as "His own."

It is now up to me. Up to me to decide if I will wait to be a "seasoned seized-one" which will wait on the Lord to prepare me to be a vessel meet for His use that will bear precious, sweet smelling, long lasting fruit. OR will I attempt to do things my way--trying to rush and force His hand--which only produces works/fruit that end up in the garbage?

Either way God is omniscient and omnipresent. He will be in both paths. Remember??? Go back to the "unseasoned brownie pan"--only by immersion of the water were the brownies able to be freed. Just like in our lives, only immersion in the "Living Water" (BIBLE) will set us free, allow us to be clean and restored to try again to be a "seasoned seized one."

The way I see it....His will be done....it's just a matter of which route/path we choose to take. We can follow his clear direction obediently from the get-go OR we can go our way (partial obedience) and fail only to have to repeat it again for His will to be done anyway.

I think I'll try His way? and you???

"Hear-her-whine, Heroin Heroine!"

“Hear-her-whine” defined~
1 a : a prolonged high-pitched cry usually expressive of distress or pain b : a sound resembling such a cry2 : a complaint uttered with or as if with a whine
3 : the act of listening to a woman complain, cry and mourn over any situation
4 : “My Story”

“Heroin” defined~
1 a: a strongly physiologically addictive narcotic C21H23NO5 that is made by acetylation of but is more potent than morphine and that is prohibited for medical use in the United States but is used illicitly for its euphoric effects

“Heroine” defined~
1 a : a mythological or legendary woman having the qualities of a hero b : a woman admired and emulated for her achievements and qualities2 a : the principal female character in a literary or dramatic work b : the central female figure in an event or period

What you are about to read is a story. It is a true story. It is part of “My Story.” I do not know how the story ends…I am only just beginning how it started. You must understand the terms that are defined above for true clarification of this tidbit of my life. You must also be aware that this ties into my study of “Trusting God.” Hang on with me for the ride as I cling to My Saviour, who is the designer of this coaster we call life. Here goes:

I don’t know why. I don’t know how. All I know is that “it is and has been” a part of my life. Where exactly did it begin? Heroin in my life.
Well, I thought it all started when I had a boyfriend from the time I was 15 until I was 21. His mother was a heroin addict. She wouldn’t come home for days…sometimes weeks. I would listen to my boyfriend’s frustration over this. He would tell me, ashamedly, that we could drive down to Lyell and see her prostituting herself for money to get the drugs if we wanted to find her. (I promise you I saw her.) He reacted much different than his brother to her addiction. He was an angry, violent, rebellious kind of guy and he just accepted this about his mom. His brother on the other hand, dealt w/it completely different. He just ran around worried about her all the time and constantly told everyone, “Smile! Be Happy! J” That is until one day—he took his life and left behind a note asking his mother to understand that her illness/addiction was so serious that he took his own life because of the pain he was carrying around and the burden she had placed on him. I will never forget the events of that day or any of that part of my life. Today, 16 years later, his mother is still a heroin addict. (Will you pray for them?)

At the ages of 19 thru 23, I worked a job at a paving company where I became friends w/one of the construction guys. I was in awe of this man because of his physical appearance and because of his age. He was about ten years older than me, divorced and had a son who he adored. He became an older brother to me and we would talk at work all of the time about his life. He would always ask me if I drank and did drugs. He would tell me to stay away from “the hard stuff” because it would ruin me and I had so much potential he wanted me to live up to. He told me how his life was ruined. His marriage. His career. His potential. All shot because he became a heroin addict and eventually became a crack addict.

At the age of 30, my high school friend came to church and asked me to help him. He said his wife had an affair on him, she became a drug addict and he needed help w/his kids and his life. He began attending regularly for a while and then his wife started attending as well. They went ahead w/the divorce and she continued to struggle w/her addictions. I opened my home to her for 2-3 weeks to help her sort her life out and so she could come to Jesus and find some hope along w/love. We talked and talked about her habit and how heroin and cocaine became her mixture of choice. She explained to me why—which I couldn’t comprehend (having never tried either drug myself) and I continued to pray for her. Months went by, now years, and she is on her way to recovery after several inpatient and outpatient treatments which will continue for as long as only the Lord knows. (She is doing a methadone clinic type of recovery.) I had lost touch with her for a year now and the other day I was able to speak to her on the phone. Then on Sunday, she came to our new church. Praise God. J I told her I am writing “My story” and I want her to sit along side me and teach me so much more about this addiction. She is looking forward to helping me understand more because there was a day that I understood I had a calling to help her. (Will you pray for her?)

At 31 years old, I went to my parent’s house one night and decided to do “movie night” with them. Typically this consists of some sort of Andy Griffith rerun or some bomb exploding, die hard kinda flick. This night was different. We watched some movie based on Johnny Cash’s life. I had no idea who this man was at the beginning of the movie—other than I remember my two, little, old grandmothers getting all “dolled up” to see him perform when he came to Rochester. By the end of this movie, I began to understand what the media would have me believe was the life and struggle of a Heroin addict. His best friend, companion and later on his wife, June, battled it out alongside him until he finally beat his addiction. Wow--To be June!!!!

I met a guy and began a friendship with him. On our first meeting, he felt compelled to reveal his true inner self to me. He was a recovering heroin addict who was on a different type of medication to reduce the cravings. I watched as he struggled not being able to afford his prescriptions ($600 a month—to stay off of heroin—for a suboxene type of recovery.) Over a period of time, I began to understand much more clearly the battle that these addicts face. They want to be clean but they need some sort of relief. They want to take their meds but they are limited by insurance and income struggles. There are stomach aches, sweats, crazy thoughts and feelings of helplessness—almost a drowning, no-control sort of feeling. I tried to encourage his walk w/the Lord. I cried for him. I cried w/him. I prayed for some sort of comfort. I tried to be “his June.” (Will you keep this guy in your prayers too?)

Then I called up the guy I used to work w/at the paving company and asked him to have lunch with me. We talked about suboxene, we talked about meth, we talked about clonondine (sp?) and other types of recovery. I asked him why he wasn’t helping those like my new friend that struggle w/their addiction? I mean, why me? Why a girl who has never used this drug help all these people w/their struggle that I know nothing first-hand about? I asked him, since he professes Christianity and sobriety, to pray about aiding people. I begged him to begin sharing his story so that my friends could have hope. To do what I do but being able to empathize w/these people—whereas I cannot. He said he would pray about it…that was 8 months ago. I saw his mother two weeks ago at Wal-mart and she said that she would tell him I said hello and that I was still praying for him. This past Sunday at church, his mom came up to me to tell me that he made a phone call to FBBC and wants to get back to being discipled. (Will you pray for him?)

So, I continue all of these one-sided friendships-where I pour my heart into these people that prefer “to be bloodless and numb and orbit the sun” (that’s truly one of their responses). And I bring their pain and agony to the throne. I pray for them. I run to them when they need me. I do not understand this burden in my heart or the compassion that I have within me.

Not over yet.

I am a ladies softball. I am standing on 3rd base. A fellow-sister hollers to me… “Hey, you ever done drugs?” Appalled, I look back at her and say… “Um…we are in the middle of a game…for a church league…and you obnoxiously ask me a question like that—to which you already know the answer.” She says, “Ever do heroin?” I miss the play at third now… turn to her and reply, “No! But, boy can I tell you a ton about it. Why are you asking me this?” At the end of the game, we talk and she tells me that her cousin, who just had a baby, has been using for over 40 days straight! She asks me what can she do to help her, what programs are there, how can her family get thru this, who do they call? I give her over ten phone numbers that her family can contact and tell her “My Story” (to which I still do not understand or know completely). I praise God that maybe all of my life I had gone thru all of this….for such a time like this. (Please keep this family in your prayers. Would you?)

Not done.

So I begin to do this trusting God study and it dawns on me that heroin addicts are so prevalent in my life. I completely freak out and decide that God must be preparing me to trust Him because one of my kids will grow up to be a junkie…a heroin addict! I convince myself that “this is all crazy head” and then reflect back on how many addicts have been in my life—never ever realizing it before. I do not understand the correlation but I do know that I believe in the sovereignty of God and His providence.

I am struggling. Struggling w/a broken heart. I know—pathetic-Give it to God-move on and go forward. If only it was as easy as it sounded. (Anyway that’s another story that will never be published or finished.) So, I decide to go away on vacation w/my children before the summer is over. We go to Allegany State Park where my “real father’s sister” lives in the next town. I figure, I’ll go visit her and let her see my kids while I am so close by. (I have a very minimal relationship w/this side of the family—she is the only one I talk to and have not seen my “real dad” since I was twelve.) It was a nice time. I returned home, ready to get the victory over this stupid heart of mine and called my mother. I had a question for her…something I had never asked her in all my 33 years. I said, “Mom, I am trying to understand me. I have a very important question which will help me. Please don’t add anything or ask any questions, please just say yes or no. Can you do that?” My mother sat silent for a moment and said, “Ok”. The question: “Was my real father a heroin addict?” The answer was “Yes.”

This is all making more sense to me. Some innate feeling inside me ever since I was young has made me try to get “the attention of an addict to love me” or to be their “saving grace.” I have never even known that my father used heroin. I only knew that I always wanted him to love me and he couldn’t or just wouldn’t.

I know this though---I am still right where I began 33 years ago—yet 33 years worth of steps forward.

I tried to call a high school friend on Friday. I dialed the wrong friend’s number but still had dialed a friend and decided to chat anyhow. I told this lady friend of my recent discovery about myself and you know what she said? She said, “You may have thought you dialed the wrong number because you were trying to call someone else, but you dialed the right number cuz God wanted you to talk to me.” I wasn’t sure where she was going w/this…then she said, “Did my daughter or I ever tell you how her father died? He died of complications due to his heroin addiction.”

I wept. I do not know if the Lord is calling me to be a counselor or a friend. I do not know what the Lord is doing…but it is so Him that is doing something throughout my whole entire life. You just read it. I’ve lived it.

I have a quote written in my Bible that I noticed two days ago. It was said by a man w/the last name of Jarvis when he came to FBBC. “The Lord will not call you for anything that He won’t prepare and equip you to complete.”

I look forward to seeing my “Trusting God” continue to develop. I look forward to seeing how the Lord will continue to equip me for this calling (whatever it may be). And I praise Him for preparing me thus far.

And now you have “Heard-her-whine, Heroin Heroine!”

Struggles w/Sin alongside our Saviour

A friend sent this video clip to me. I think its worth taking a look at to be reminded of the AWESOME power of our Saviour! Just remember that Christ is always w/us during our struggles and He Himself is not struggling!

It's Finally Here!!

You'll have to scroll down to "August 7th" to see the post "So Loved." It took me long enough to write it and I can't figure out how to change the date so...you'll have to just scroll down. :-)

Wow! My blog received an award!

This is what the award is about:"This award is for those bloggers who are nice people; good blog friends and those who inspire good feelings and inspiration. Also, for those who are a positive influence on our blogging world."

So Julie, whose blog address is: http://www.juliemom.blogspot.com, told me to check out her blog cuz she thought I was special enough to give an award to! I thank her very much but Praise God that He even gives me the "crazyhead" that I have to come up w/such posts.

Thanks to Juliemom and all those that want me to post more! Hahaha! By the way, Julie's blog is absolutely a joy and a breath of fresh air--be sure to check it out. One more thing, she takes great pictures of food she really makes for breakfast that make you say, "Did you really make that?! and if so, I want breakfast at your house." :-)

Stuck in the Muck!!!

Now, hold on, I know my friends are all expecting another post here but the timing has just not worked yet for it to be published. In order to not disappoint you all I have decided to share another one of those moments that God gave me--yet another incredible moment! Yup, stuck in the muck is what I have entitled it because that's what popped in my head. Hope you enjoy this one...

As I was driving to work this morning, I was thinking of all those normal "drive to work" sort of things. You know what I am talking about: Did I turn this off, will I remember to do such&such, don't forget to do this&that and most of all "Why do I have to be driving behind this particular person this morning...don't they know I just want to go...go...go?" Ha! Boy is that funny. Not laughing? Well, let me show you what I was stuck behind--I don't even know it's name!!!
I don't know what it's called. But I have named it "a vegetable sprayer" cuz that's what popped in my lil' head. Now this obviously isn't the one that I was driving behind, but you get the idea....this HUGE, OBNOXIOUS Beast was in my way...holding me back from getting where I wanted to go.... Uh, oh... I feel a spiritual application coming my way (and yours too!)

So, I study this machine that is so big and monstrous which SLOOOWWWWLLLYYY is in front of me and I ponder the height of its gigantic wheels. I size up the actual height of the wheels and the humongous gap of space between the road and the machine... The wheels are as tall as I am if I stood next to it--maybe even bigger. Hmmmm....If i had a convertible or my friend Jen's blue buggy, I so could squeeze under this OBNOXIOUSLY Huge piece of whatever it is...vegetable sprayer... and be in front of it and on my way. Look...here is a close-up of another picture of one of these machines w/its wheels I found to prove my point.

Then I start to think, "If I were in Erika's Audi, I would so quickly just jet around this thing in like 6th gear (that is if I had her Audi and could drive a stick!!!). Then I realized, there was just no safe way for me to get under this thing or around it. I would have to stay behind this "Vegetable Sprayer Thingie" and wait until it decided to remove itself from my path.

"I cannot make it any more simpler or clearer"

--Those were the words that I felt in my heart. I cannot explain it. Yet that is what I heard. So, I begin to think more on this. No matter what I choose to do, there will always be some BEAST in my way, slowing me down that I can't control, go under or quickly get around...I can only wait until the "Operator" removes the obstacle from my path.

I can only say that this machine was put there for me to see that sometimes I just have to wait and no matter what I try to do, I cannot control the circumstances or actions of others. I love so deeply how my Savior created my lil' mind--it's so simple yet so clear. I don't want to be "stuck in the muck" and I don't want to "die" trying to avoid it--I'll just have to wait :-)

2 Corinthians 4:18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

In "His Princess, Love Letters from Your King," Sheperd uses this verse to say: Princess, See what matters most!

Once again, He has opened my eyes in another way!

...So Loved...

We have heard the verse, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Have we ever stopped to think about the words of this verse? Well, as I began to consider it, I stopped shortly after so loved. This post has been appropriately titled ...so loved... because I am just that and I can't wait to share w/you how the Lord showed this to me.

I am single. Yup. Still single. Now, here's the story:

Years ago, this was my "crowning glory" to make such a claim. That was because I chose not to settle and there were just so many wonderful options. I used to think, "Why choose just one? and I am too young to commit myself to insanity for the rest of my life. Why go thru the same mundane routine day after day w/the same person when there were over a billion other options." (Sad--but true--this was my thinking.) I never chased love, never was one of those girls that "cried and yearned" for a boyfriend. I had plenty of dates w/plenty of Mr. Could Be's and I enjoyed spending a little time w/lots of them. Now don't get me wrong, I definitely did intend to settle down, I was just looking for the one that "was strong enough to be my man" (you know the song!) and to be honest w/the world, "I was scared to death!"

So, I am still single--and it really hits ya when it's nearing your birthday and you find yourself gearing toward a year older and still single! I wondered, "did I miss my opportunity? Nah, God is bigger than me and He would've forced it to happen if it were supposed to have been already. " Then I asked myself, "Am I ok w/being single?" (I've asked myself this several times.) Following that I thought, "it would be so nice just to be loved." Then it all began..... God decided to teach me what it meant to be "So Loved" all while showing me how loved I am.

My birthday was the 3rd of August. Starting on Monday, July 30th, my birthday celebration began when I was taken out to P.F. Changs for dinner! Ooooh Yummy! :-) It was delectable. I had appetizers, main meal and the "WALL OF CHOCOLATE" for dessert. I got to share that w/3 of the most important people of my life--my friend--who keeps me sane and in touch w/reality--and my beautiful children! We followed this up by going to the movies and seeing "Ratatouille". This was a night filled w/a ton of love and a ton of laughter.

On Tuesday, the 31st, I had my softball championships. This was another great time of fellowship, fun, laughter and true love of friendship. My friends and I joked w/each other about the past year and just really enjoyed our "final" attempt at softball while winning our last game! The victory was not in the game itself (although did i mention we won?) but in the bonds that we shared and cherished. Another great time of fun, love and laughter.

On Wednesday, the 1st, I went to dinner w/another friend. I ordered the "Southern Fried Chicken Dinner" in hopes that it would taste like my grandma used to make it. The portion was plentiful and the mashed potatoes were ever so indulgently rich. I will never forget how I felt this night... I knew that my God was comforting my heart and He did so w/the "warmth of the memories that flooded my mind" thru my choice of "comfort foods." This was not a dinner-time of fun, laughter and joy but yet a God moment all in itself. My friend and I intensely discussed things of God and even studied them beyond dinner conversation. I enjoyed being challenged that evening. God allowed me to have dinner w/this particular friend so I could enjoy the company but most of all so I would know more about Him.

Thursday came (and it's still not my birthday), but another friend called and said, "Let me take you wherever you want to go." Sinbad's became the choice for this night. So, we headed off to Park Avenue and toured the neighborhood. We enjoyed a compilation of appetizers consisting of hummus, baba ganouch and dolmades (TRIPLE YUMMY!). We decided to partake in some delicious shrimp, artichoke, hot sauce sort of pizza w/feta and top it all off w/Lamb gyros. What more could you want--aside from baklava! Anyhow, again, my taste buds being so lavishly spoiled and tantalized--it makes for a great evening. We had some heart to heart chit chat, lots of giggles, toured a couple of other neighborhoods, laughed and I think I even cried that night. It was excellent--the friend, the food, the fun, the laughter. Wow, am I spoiled, I thought.

Friday was my official birthday and I was invited to breakfast w/another dear friend. Over my Belgian waffle w/whipped cream and strawberries, we laughed about what it was to be who we were and how the Lord had brought us there. We talked about how often my friend makes me cry--not because of who he is--but because of who HE is. We debated a couple of issues and discussed some scripture and then we were off our separate ways. It was another moment of precious fellowship.

I then went into work where I received a beautiful flower arrangement, some gifts, a handful of cards, an "edible arrangement" of fruit w/chocolate dipping sauce, and plenty of e-cards. I just had no idea what I was going to do at night. I knew there would be no party. Some friends had reserved me...just in case. But my "knight in shining armour" came thru. My Daddy! He called and said, just he and I were going to dinner--my choice of where I wanted to go. LOL....(I am running out of restaurants at this point I had already been to Brook House, PF Changs, The Arlington, and Sinbads....do I have more favorites?) So...off to Outback Steakhouse we go. I enjoyed being his "older little girl" as we drove around in the black on black convertible camaro while the sun beamed down to kiss my face and the wind blew and it tickled my nose! I really did feel like a kid again :-) Daddy and I ate, laughed, talked about the past and the future. And then I took him for a tour of the church. This was such a sweet time.

Daddy dropped me off and an Audi picked me up. I received two dozen gorgeous roses and was set off for a trip to demolish my absolute favorite dessert in the world, "krokenbourch" (found at Spot Coffee House.)! We went and kidnapped another good friend and we spent the evening talking about several Bible topics of interest and then we talked about singleness! At the end of the evening, my friends had told me how much they absolutely adored me (ok one of them did that--the other tried to make me cry) and how they want "me back." It was the best gift ever. Knowing that they loved me so much they wanted me to get over the things that were holding me back--I agreed w/their logic and their insight. It was an absolutely hysterical time of fun w/my friends.

Saturday arrives, (Birthday over) and I lounged around all day until I decided what it was I actually wanted to do. A girlfriend offered to run away to Canada w/me for the day and take me to Kelsey's (another favorite restaurant of mine) or do whatever I wanted for the day. Well, I decided I wanted to go to the day spa and get a pedicure. Problem was...it was 4 pm by the time I made this decision. (Long story which makes for another great post at a later date.) We finally found somewhere that would fit us in and we primped, parafinned and polished! Then at night it was off to dinner w/another great friend filled w/sarcasm, laughter and reminiscing.

Sunday night came (it is now the 5th!) and I spent time w/3 of the most incredible teen girls I know, along w/one of my favorite women and another one of my dearest friends. We talked about amazing things of God and His wonderful work in all of us while eating deliciously, sloppy subs. When each of us were done sharing and we were ready to depart, I shared how I could celebrate my singleness due to my relationships w/each of them. If I were involved in a relationship or married--there would be no sleep overs, there wouldn't be these "off the cuff" get-togethers and all the "midnight calls." It was such a beautiful time of Titus 2:3-5!!!!! All glory to God.

As you have read, I have been completely spoiled w/dinner dates, gifts and many special moments. As I reflect back at the "week of celebration," I can't help but realize just how loved I am.....So Loved.... This is going to be a beautiful year. I am so loved-always have been-just had to look at God again to see it!

If you have made it to the end of this, you too must really love me to care so much as to what I would have to say. Thank you for being a part of my life that the Lord knows you'll bring/share w/me. :-)

Open Arms...Forever-Open Arms

Yesterday, I ran into a very dear and close friend, Jason C. (who we call J.C.--we really do! In fact, my whole family does.) We have been friends since I was 15 years old. He knows the ugliest of my uglies and the most beautiful of my beauties. We have watched each other grow into who we both are today thru our struggles and experiences.

When I saw J.C., he stretched out his arms wide, like the letter "T". He didn't do this to invite me into them, it was more of a "Here I am and Here U are, what's up? kinda thing." We chatted for a few minutes then went into the store we were both intending on visiting. As we walked thru the store, my burdens laid heavily on my mind but was delighted to have J.C. just make me laugh and take me away from my thoughts--even if only for a few minutes.

As I got home later that night, I thought about J.C. stretching out his arms wide and how I had so deeply wanted to crawl right into them and just weep. I wanted to be comforted from the pain and hurt that I was carrying and just a "hug" from ANYONE would have helped me for a moment.

As I prayed that night and began meditating on my Savior, the outstretched arms of my friend kept popping in my head. (If you know me well, you know I obsess over everything in my life and what God has for me in it. If you don't know me well, now you know a little bit more about me... I truly believe the Lord orchestrates it ALL and has a purpose for our lives and every moment of it!) Anyhow, back to God and what spiritual application came out of all of this.... So, the thought of outstretched arms popped up and I began to think about how Christ's arms were painstakingly nailed to the cross...like the letter "T." I pondered on how He (the real J.C.--Jesus Christ) truly knows even more of the uglies and beauties about me since He is my Maker and Creator. Glimpses of my life passed thru my mind as Christ brought to my remembrance that He has been there thru ALL of my struggles and EVERY experience. It was then I began to dwell on how badly Christ yearned for me to run into His open arms and give Him my burdens and pain. He wanted me to run to Him so much, He made me recall that His arms were nailed to the cross so that they would always be open arms for me to crawl into.

I was, once again, amazed at my Saviors power to call me to Him. I ran to Him and crawled into His arms--that were nailed to the cross--so that they would always remain open for me to go to. God is good--all the time--even in my darkest hours. I love Him and cannot fathom His love for me.

Be"Leaf"

Recently, I shared with my co-worker and friend, Janet, a story of how I struggled for so long with worshipping thru music but felt that I was on my way to "freedom". The verse below and the story that follows will show you how beautiful dancing can be if it brings glory to the Lord. The story is not mine...it's actually a God moment that Janet had just a few days after our conversation. Bless her heart for her sharing her joy in Christianity, as well as her appreciation of our Savior and His creation:

I saw a leaf tap-dancing in the street this morning. Of course, it had no taps, but there it was, tapping in the middle of the street for all it was worth. Not moving left or right, but staying in one spot, it was moving to some ecstatic, invisible beat, caught up in the joy of its Creator.

The leaf itself was singularly unremarkable; as a matter of fact it was near the end of its existence. Faded from some vibrant shade of green to dry tan, its lack of sustaining moisture had caused it to roll into an inverted tube. Any other time I would have gone on by, completely oblivious to it.

But there it was, caught up in the power of a small whirlwind. With no power of its own, it danced with carefree abandon in the power of the unseen wind, becoming a thing of praise and beauty. No matter who was watching, or if no one was watching, it danced, caught a beam of sunlight and turned golden for just a bit, tapping out praise on the asphalt for the glory of God.

“Let all creation sing…”
1 Chronicles 16:31-34
Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice: and let men say among the nations, The LORD reigneth. Let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof: let the fields rejoice, and all that is therein. Then shall the trees of the wood sing out at the presence of the LORD, because he cometh to judge the earth. O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.

I am thankful that she shared that moment w/me. I visualized it as if I were the leaf. I trust in our Savior that as his word states in: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ¶To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

I want to be a Pomegranate!!!

That's right you read that correctly. I want to be a pomegranate. Now, if you just hang on and continue reading you will understand why....

I was praying about a little over a week ago about the post I had planned to put on here. It was about "dust." I wanted to do a post about how if a plant is covered in a layer of dust, it prevents the sun from permeating it and hence it hinders the growth of the plant...see the spiritual application? If we are covered in a layer of "filth and dust", we hinder the "Son" from penetrating our lives and hinder growth as well. So, as I lay there praying over this post, Pomegranates entered my little mind...(Don't ask me, I didn't create the mind I have!). As I meditated on "dust and pomegranates" I kept asking what the correlation was and why pomegranates? After much prayer (over a week), some research and some dialogue, I can now publish this post. Upon completion of this, "Yes, I do want to be a pomegranate and pray that you do too!" Enjoy!!! ;-)

First, I believe I should familiarize and educate you on the proper way to de-seed a pomegranate. Just in case you have never eaten one, I would like for you to be able to follow along. These directions were taken from the following link:
http://mideastfood.about.com/od/tipsandtechniques/ss/deseedpomegrana_1.htm

1. Cut off the crown of the pomegranate.


2. Slice the rind in several places.


3. Soak pomegranate in water.


4. Break apart pomegranate.


5. Remove rind and membranes.


6. Then finally you may remove the seeds from the bowl and enjoy the fruit.

So, now that we now know the proper way to de-seed this fruit. Let's get on with the spiritual application of why "I want to be a pomegranate."

First, you need to cut off the crown of the fruit. This is the "crown" of the fruit! In our lives, this could be "cutting or removing ourselves away from others" that we have grown with. This is what we believe our identity has always been--our "worldly crown" prior to our salvation. This may mean removing ourselves from the "pack" we grew up with or even maybe the lifestyle of those we love so dearly. To eat a pomegranate-it doesn't say "put aside the crown-it says "CUT IT OFF!" Have you cut off your "old crown" and prepared yourself for the one Christ has for you?

Second, we need to slice the rind/flesh in several places. As a Christian, we need to deny our flesh of the earthly desires we as humans crave. I am not suggesting you make cuttings on your flesh (scripture advises against that), I am saying that we need to "remove our flesh" in order to get to the place that God has designed for us. Galatians 6:8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

Third, (I just love this one) "soak in water." We, too, must be soaked; drenched; immersed and saturated in the Living Water (the Word of God). Let's get so immersed in the water that we fight the evil one and our human nature with "the two-edged sword!" Let's combat ourselves, our flesh and the wiles of the devil with the Creator's very own Word--we can only do this if we are soaking in the "Living Water." Use scripture to bring every thought into the obedience of Christ. Pray Scripture for peace, comfort and during times of distress. Call upon the "Water" to be rehydrated and refreshed.

Fourthly, break apart the pomegranate. Need I say more? We will need to be broken! It's just the way that our God in His Sovereignty willed it to be. Just be broken and praise Him for it. (Side note: one of my favorite songs is by Kathy Troccoli and it is called, "How would I know". One of the lines goes: "If there had never been a battle, how would I know the victory!" I say that to remind myself as well as you to trust that God in His Divine Providence has provided even the battles so that He can receive all the Glory and the Victory!)

Fifth, remove the rind and membranes. Interesting, when you look into why you remove them you will know that the rind/flesh is no good. Kinda like ours, eh? And when you look into why you remove the membrane you learn that it is because it is bitter. How many of us carry around bitterness, unforgiveness and anger? Let's lay these aside again at the feet of our Savior (Matthew 11:28-30). And let's discard them once and for all so that we can get to....

The fruit and the seeds! After all that hard work, we get to the delicious, sweet, inside of the yucky rind and it is filled with 840 seeds! (True fact!) Now, you can "pop" those seeds covered in fruit into our mouths and enjoy. But be careful: the juice of a pomegranate stains leaving a lasting impression!

Okay--I know it took us a while to get here but this is where it gets really good! You have now gotten to the fruit and the seeds! Let's look at the Biblical usage of pomegranates and you will see how this all ties in:

The Bible states in Exodus28:34 that the robes of the priests should have a "golden bell and a pomegranate, a golden bell and a pomegranate...all along the hem...."

The bell is an audible type of witness. It is there so you can hear his arrival, hear his coming. It is a picture representing what he says. The pomegranate is a picture of the "fruit" or testimony that should accompany the witness. Therefore, the hem is the following: bell/pomegranate/bell/pomegranate OR witness/fruit/witness/fruit.

So, now we know how to get to the "heart of the fruit" and now we know the Biblical significance of the pomegranate on the hems of the priest. So, we need to get to the fruit by denying our flesh, soaking in the Water and laying aside every sin that so easily besets us so that we can be a witness that bears fruit which leaves a lasting impression.

I want to be a pomegranate! Do you?

In the Waiting....

These are lyrics to a song that a friend sent to me. May they minister to your hearts as they do to mine!!!

To Wait or Not to Wait? - That is the Question

So, last night I am in deep conversation...if you know me, then you know how "deep" my "deep" really is!!! LOL. Anyhow, as a friend and I are talking he brings up the random topic of his tattoo (which to my surprise I did not know he even had). He tells me the following story and as I listen I wonder, "what on earth is he telling me this for and why is this random story something he feels he needs to share with me right now?" As I continue to listen, I can't help but find the spiritual application that Christ sent to me thru this "random thought" shared by a friend.
READ ON:

My friend was so excited to go out and get a tattoo a while back. He explained to me that this was at a time when it was still "very rare" to see people "accessorizing their bodies" w/ink. Brother Weeze (some radio guy--not as in Brother-in-Christ--pray for him) had opened a tattoo shop and my friend thought this would be the best place to go and get "inked". Why not? This radio personality was well known, tattoos were becoming all the rage and you should be able to trust in a well known name, right? He reminds me of how excited he was to go get this tattoo--that he can hardly wait! So the story continues...he gets this tattoo (to be honest, I don't even know what it is) from this "somewhat celebrity shop" and was one of the first people to be inked here! He bragged on how he didn't wait and that this was one of the first pieces done from the shop. Well, he didn't really know how or pay attention to the instructions to take care of it. (If you know anything about tattoos, they cut into your skin, inject ink into the pigmentation and then they scab over, then heal and you have the finished product.) Well, he is in such a hurry for this to scab and heal, that once the scab forms, he scrubs the tattoo w/a loofah to remove the scabbing to "hurry up" the process of healing so he can show off his newfound body art. In doing this, scrubbing and removal, he has scarred his expensive art. This means that within his tattoo, there are scars--blank pieces of no color--that he contributed to do to his impatience.....

So, I hear the story, then I begin to think of why he could be telling me this. Sometimes we are in such a hurry to heal from the trials and tribulations we are experiencing, that we try to rush God. The more we try to push ahead of schedule, the more we try (in our own strength) to get over it, the more we miss the "beauty of the art" of what our Maker is creating. We end up actually "scarring" ourselves and marring our "body" due to our impatience.

If only we would wait on the Lord and trust fully in Him....we can be who He designed us to be.

Standing Like a Flamingo

I can obey God. I understand this concept quite simply. He tells me what to do and what not to do and I can clearly choose to obey or not to. I find His rules in the Word of God...not just the law but throughout all scriptures He has commanded us to follow Him. Although, I may not want to obey all the "rules," I do concede that they are good for me. You should know that in fact, I love rules. Structure has always been key to my life. Rules set a precedence, a requirement/standard if you must. They are the foundation of boundaries. In fact, I can even use scripture to support the need for order....1 Corinthians 14:40 Let all things be done decently and in order.

Even with my passion to abide by the "rules" and to "Obey God", I find myself finding it much more difficult to Trust in Him. I know the verses of Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. I have heard the lyrics, "I will walk by faith even when I cannot see." I meditate on these and ask God to allow them to be true in my heart. God has led me to have studied out how to abide in Christ thru John 15 so that Christ can be most glorified. Yet still, when a storm blows in, when a trial hits me in the face, as tribulation enters my life.... I find myself on shaky ground.

If Christ, is my Rock, my Salvation, my Foundation, why can I not stand fast in the faith. Why do I waiver like a two year old trying to do a flamingo-stand? It is simply that I do not fully trust in God and His sovereignty. It is that not everything has been fully surrendered...it is that I still think that maybe I have something to do with this.

Yet I can't help but be reminded that "It has never occurred to God that He is not me!"

May God continue to speak to my heart clearly and continue to challenge me to search His Word for the answers that are still waiting for me to discover so that I may "Trust In Him."

SEASONS OF CHANGE!!!

Life is like the seasons and in Rochester we are blessed to experience all four of them.

We will have the hot summer months when we are parched for thirst and our bodies will yearn for water.
~ In our Christian walk, we too will have a summer season... reach for the Living Water and be hydrated.

Fall arrives and the leaves begin to change colors and the weather becomes slightly brisk and the wind blows....
~sweetly kissing your face to let you know that your Savior is there! The colors need to change...in our Christian walks, relationships need to change...it is a season of change which prepares you in His time for the next season.

Winter comes and brrrrrr....it's a very cold yet breathtaking season. Dancing snowflakes; ice crystals and "webs" of ice overlay the branches. The leaves are gone....
~What a season to snuggle w/the King. Stay warm inside w/His fellowship and gaze in awe at His Power, His Creation, and His next new season.

Spring blossoms. :-) The smell of the fresh scented air. The rain to restore the plants. The sun peaks out to stimulate the growth of new season.
~Wow. New leaves. The old ones had to change, fall off and die before the new growth and new season can begin.

Praise God for all four seasons!

Back to blogging

So, as you can see, i still have not made much of an attempt to figure out this blog stuff. I will put forth more of a valiant effort now that my friends are really putting the pressure on me to update these and get with the "technology!"