Clean Up!

First, if you don't know...one of my favorite things to do is use things of this world to glorify God and turn everything into a spiritual event. Some of you will even write to me "condemning me" for using this example. Yet, you may not even know me or where I come from. You may only know the "New Me" the one who is born-again. I am a new creature, changing into His image BUT my past is what made me who I am. I am going to continuing being who HE created, in hopes to reach some. I am about to reveal things that some of you may find appalling but you haven't lived my life and you don't know what the "world" really is and what it's like out there. I am going to share some things that I have experienced that have caused me to repent--to turn from my sin and my old lifestyle---and turn towards God and become one of His forgiven children. You may not forgive me, because you are made in the image of man (Adam) but He does. The story He wrote of my life--is for learning and I'm gonna tell it in hopes that someone truly learns and changes for His Glory. Maybe someone will be led to this post and see that they too can be forgiven.

I have been in more physical fist fights than an average "girl". I have been been stabbed in the head. Blocks of welfare cheese, pork-in-the-can, and peanut butter w/a layer of oil on the top was a monthly treat for us! Walking miles to schools in another district for a safer education and walking EVERYWHERE were a part of my daily life for a LOOOOOONNNNNNGGGG time. I have been shot at on more than one or two and even three occasions. I have driven get away cars. I rolled on the streets and played dice on the corner like a thug. I have "ganked" people. (LOL--u probably have no idea what that even means--even funnier!)

If you only pay attention to what goes on "in your own world" you probably will have no clue about who or what I am talking about. So, allow me to fill you in. Rapper "T.I" (also known as Clifford Harris) has recently been convicted of possession of illegal weapons.... long story short--he did in fact do this and is not disputing it or the situation that led him to do such a thing. In his world, it's a part of everyday living. Here are some of the "world's rules": Wear the "right colors", keep your mouth shut, don't snitch, mind your business, it's all about you and yours, don't get caught and do whatcha gotta do to "get yours."

In order to get a "lighter sentence" and be a role model to others, he has made a campaign of ads against what he did and even a t.v. show called "T.I's road to redemption."Nevertheless, he has also come out w/a song with "J.T" (Justin Timberlake) called "Dead and Gone." The lyrics are filled with cussing, explain violence and choices. I will spare you the words to that but want to focus on the chorus. It goes like this:

"I turn my head to the east
I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west
still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north,
swallow that pill
that they call pride
The old me is dead and gone,
the new me will be alright"

The point that I'm trying to get at is that when I first heard these lyrics I thought about a lot of parallels that this song really could represent for "The Road to Redemption." Now, put aside the fact that the rapper got busted doing something wrong and is trying to do "good" for the community so he can have a lighter sentence. And read how the lyrics could be used to reach others--those that had "gangster" lifestyles or those that grew up in the "less fortunate areas" that are taught the "worlds way of survival".

When someone gets "caught up" in the wrong crowd or is at the wrong place at the wrong time, or when they make bad decisions that affect the rest of their lives, generally they find themselves alone. All those people they hung out with, all those friends they "ran with," all those people who showed them "this way of life" bail on them as they have to serve their time or only continue to "plot" with them the next scheme to get more money or how to continue their life of crime behind bars.

So I suggest, we use this chorus to say--you turn to both sides and find yourself alone, correct? If you turn your head to the north, and swallow that pill called pride you too could find Jesus as your Savior and the "The old me (you) is dead and gone, the new me (you) will be alright." Coming to Jesus and repenting of your sins is a very difficult thing for many to do because of a thing called PRIDE! So, if one can "swallow the pill called pride" (and accept Him) then the old self will be dead and gone and the new self will be alright.

I find it very interesting that his show is called the Road to Redemption and that the lyrics of his song can point those to the REAL road to redemption. I don't know much, but I do know this: I am a new creature. Old things are passed away. All things are created new. And this includes me. Instead of running from the world, I've decided that it's time for me to run back to it with all the new things I've learned and continue to share my story as it is! I have a lot of things that if I could do over again differently I would but that's not how my story was written! I will continue daily to struggle-but I will continue to know how FORGIVEN I am and let others know how they too can be forgiven PLUS still keep making mistakes~~because after all, we will always be sinners. I want others to know that Jesus doesn't forgive us just once---he forgives us completely. I want others to know that people are unforgiving--not Him.

In My Backpack Or At The Cross?

I watched a movie the other evening and I couldn't help but continue thinking about it for days afterwards. I kept meditating on one small part of the movie, for who knows what reason; and just couldn't let it go. Without going into all of the details and plot of the movie, I'll tell you where I kept getting stuck in my thoughts.

This guy was in his early 40's and he went around doing seminars. You know the type...the Tony Robinson type sales-pitch, motivational, goal setting and achievement type of seminars. His theme was called "What's in your backpack?" and he told the audience to close their eyes and imagine having a backpack on and "fill it with all your little trinkets and knick-knacks that they've collected over the years." He then proceeded to instruct them to "keep visualizing and add to the backpack all of their clothes, personal items, and then their furniture. Back pack is getting heavy eh?" Then he says: "Now add to this backpack ANYONE you have ever had an interaction or encounter with (a smile, a hello, a handshake etc.), now add acquaintances, co-workers. Add to that the people who really matter...the relationships that matter...friends, sisters, brothers, children, spouses/partners etc., Backpack is REALLY heavy now, eh?"

Well, I hate to tell you but you never get to hear the whole speech of his seminar...this movie only touches on little facets of his life. I bet though if they did show the whole seminar pitch, he would've had said that "These are the things that we carry around all day, every day and that they wear us down." I believe he also would have said: "Get rid of as many of these things as possible by emptying your backpack and not carrying around all of the baggage that comes from these items/relationships." Now this is just a guess as to what he MAY have said (if they showed the whole scenario) and I'm basing this on the fact that he was in his early-mid 40's, no marriage (ever), no kids (ever) and no monogamous relationship. He was a "fly by the seat of your pants kind-of guy" who went and did his job wherever he was told to go and he never really stayed at home or kept in contact with his family.

Why did this intrigue me??? (Get over the fact that I watched a movie and follow me on this one as to how things of this world get us to think of a Greater God.) I kept thinking about what would my backpack feel like? I kept thinking about all the volunteer work that I'm involved in. All the roles that my life has. All the interactions on a daily basis that I have. And, oh boy, all the "stuff" I've accumulated along the way. Wow....THIS IS HEAVY! I knew that the answer was definitely NOT what this movie would have portrayed but how would I ever empty/lighten my backpack?

One by one, I wanted to "unpack" my bag. Item by item, problem by problem, relationship by relationship I would have to "remove" these things. Then it hit me. I already had the answer and just needed to be refreshed that HE is the answer. My backpack is getting lighter these days because I have been reminded to take each "thing/problem/situation/decision" and pull it out and pray to God about what to do with it. This doesn't mean I have to "throw these things/people away." It just means to lay my burdens at the feet of the cross. He will pick them up and He will decide what I need to keep and what is no good for me. I need to continue to remember that He is God and not I. I can be a vessel/tool to listen to people and assist with their needs but ONLY HE can fulfill them. Only He can have His Will done.

I feel bad for those that watched that movie and don't know my beautiful Savior! If they could have their eyes opened to see that "ending relationships or throwing things away" is not the way to have their burdens lightened BUT to lay them at the feet of the cross...one by one...and begin a new relationship w/God (or rekindle an old one) is the BEST answer.

Where shall I put the things that wear me down? I can carry them in my heavy laden backpack OR I can place them at the foot of the Cross. I'm an everlasting work in progress who doesn't have all the answers but I do have One and it's Him. Thank you sweet Jesus for this reminder!

I have not Quit, I have been Creator-Educated!

It has been ever so long since I've blogged and you will not read any excuses as to why the sabbatical; however, I will share my heart and reassure any of you that "I have not Quit!" I am still fighting the good fight. In fact, today I reminded myself that: "when life is kicking you down, don't lay there dead but instead JUMP up and kick back harder." Over the past year, many blows have knocked me down and the path that I found myself struggling thru was one I would not have personally chosen; YET it's the one that was BEST for me to learn the MOST VALUABLE life lessons EVER! I won't bore you with all the details of...um...let's see...the 2009 year of my life, but I will tell you that as hard and difficult as it was-my God has never been more REAL or FAITHFUL! (For this, I am evermore grateful for his MERCY and GRACE!)

In short, I have learned to unconditionally love more of others and less of myself but yet have learned to love myself as others do too. I have learned that I matter to this universe and that I was created perfectly with all of my flaws! Psalms 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. I have learned that I am a sinner and always will be no matter how many times I go to church, read my Bible or pray. My expectations do not come from myself or others but lies that I have believed and been taught along this life; regrettably some from even the "church." I have been reminded and hope to remind any of you of Psalms 62:5 My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. Another thing I have learned is that I do not have to please anyone or everyone for that matter and that I will never be able to even please myself. Only my Creator can fulfill my every longing, desire and need. Psalms 107:9 For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness. Matthew 6:31b What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

I have learned that I have not quit--I have only taken the rocky road to learn to love, trust, and know God on a much more intimate level. I have been personally Creator-Educated! At times, I let down my "Professor in Life" and I have made choices that crushed Him but it is He that knew my heart, knew my struggles and loved me thru all the falls. I would have quit--it was hard--I'm not going to lie; but He wouldn't leave me nor forsake me. He wouldn't let me go. He taught me to stare exasperation in the face, JUMP up and kick back even harder by trusting Him and ONLY Him. Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

If I had a pencil during these tests of 2009, I would have "erased" my answers/choices yet He reminded me the ONLY one who could "correct" or "take away" any of those blunders/mistakes was He Himself. After all, He made me perfectly with my flaws and brought to my remembrance that if I was perfect and whole I would have no need for Him! Mark 2:17b When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

So, here we go 2010 and the scholarly spiritual lessons we will journey upon. I have not quit--I'm just JUMPING and kicking harder than ever!