Family Meal Deal!!!

Every once in a while, I get to spend some time alone with one or two of the kids instead of all of us altogether. In these moments, I try to "understand" my child(ren) and truly try to listen to hear what they may or may not be telling me. The other day, I had one of those days with my son.

We spent some time together and then I told him we could eat WHEREVER he chose (within financial reason). Now, if you personally know me then you know that I'm sort of a foodie!!! I love great quality food! My pallet was wonderfully made by God and it is very blessed. So imagine my face now as my son requests that we go to Kentucky Fried Chicken!!!! I swallowed my "growl face" and put on a great big smile for my lil man and told him "Ok!" This was a very difficult task for me to not show him the emotion behind the "Ok" (I will give him lessons another time on what it really means when a woman solemnly states those two syllables. lol.)

So, off we go to KFC to share a meal together and talk about whatever it is that he wants to discuss and/or just be together. We ordered our meals and then sat down in the eating area. As we began eating, the conversations was flowing about why he chose where we were, what he likes eating on their menu, and what would he like to do afterwards.

All of the sudden, our attention was drawn away from our own conversation as suddenly we were startled with yelling. "(Insert Name Here), I TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE ANYMORE CHICKEN! GREAT, NOW WE HAVE SEVEN FREAKING TRAYS OF CHICKEN. WONDERFUL, ALL THIS CHICKEN AT THIS HOUR. DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO STOP MAKING CHICKEN?"

Of course, our heads (as well as other customers') turned to the direction the abrupt yelling came from as we watched in horror as the manager yelled at one of her employees. We watched the employee stare like a deer in headlights and then he began to speak. (He spoke softly so we could not hear his words but visually we could see as he attempted to get some words out.) Suddenly again: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. I DON'T WANT YOU TO MAKE ANYMORE CHICKEN. I SAID NO MORE CHICKEN. GREAT, SEVEN TRAYS OF CHICKEN. CRISPY CHICKEN. EVERYBODY LISTEN UP AND PUSH THE CRISPY CHICKEN BECAUSE (Insert Name Here) MADE TOO MUCH CRISPY CHICKEN. The manager stammers off somewhere and all the employees kind of snickered and went back to their stations. Most of the customers resumed eating as the silence returned.

My son and I began to carry on a conversation; which was now headed in a different direction. We began to speak about the scene we had just witnessed and how horrible that performance was. And then....it returned again for yet another round....SEVEN TRAYS OF CRISPY CHICKEN. IS EVERYBODY PUSHING THE CRISPY CHICKEN NOW THAT (Insert Name Here) MADE TOO MUCH CHICKEN. WHO MAKES SEVEN TRAYS OF CRISPY CHICKEN AT THIS HOUR? and again she walked around the kitchen in a circle and kept going until the young employees stopped what they were doing to listen to her humiliate and berate the other employee.

Now when I tell you she was loud (that's why the "all caps"--it's my typing yelling voice), I'm not kidding...it was completely silent and this lady was dominantly loud. She would yell. Repeat. Harp. Ridicule. Nag. Carry on and all very loudly.

Finally, some long silence ensued and the business of chitter chatter returned. One employee quickly sauntered from behind the counter to go clean up the dining area. As he stopped near our table I turned to him and asked him, "Does she always behave like that to the employees?" The employee stared at me as if the manager was going to run out and attack me. So I spoke again,  "All I'm saying is that if that were my child, I would be quite upset for him/her to be treated that way with the berating, humiliation and ridicule." The employee looks around and then replies: "Well, she's just upset because we are running out of everything tonight and she is stressed out." (What a good employee justifying his employers negative behavior and remaining faithful to her defense.) I replied, "Hmmmm....still doesn't make it right. I'm sorry for you and for all of you back there. In fact, I'm sorry we had to witness the whole episode." The uncomfortable employee again looks around and then says, "I'm sorry she behaved that way." I kinda smiled and said, "that's kind of you to apologize for someone else's behavior, but you are not responsible for her actions. I hope you all have a better night." He smiled, nodded and went back into the kitchen quickly. Within minutes I saw him pull her aside and begin whispering. She listened intently to what he was saying and then retreated to her office. She never brought up the chicken again while I was there and we were able to enjoy the rest of our meal with only the sound of our own chitter chatter.

So, why am I blogging about this nasty manager and the way she treated her employees? That lady was ugly--and I'm not talking about her physical appearance--I'm talking about the "down south way of speaking" downright mean and ugly behaving.

Later on at night I was busy about doing some housework and then the Lord nudged at me. He began pulling on my heart. He made me replay THE SEVEN TRAYS OF CHICKEN over and over and over and over and over again in my mind until my soul was even more stirred than it was when I had experienced it.  It was then I knew what I dreaded to hear from Him was coming---"You. You, Christina. You, Christina ARE that Manager. You treat my children that way. The kids that I, the Lord, gave to you to borrow, to train, to raise, to teach. You nag them. You yell at them. You harp on them. You ridicule them. You berate them. Your kids are Mine--they belong to me, the Lord of Lords, The King of Kings." I was quickly reminded of Psalms 127:3  Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

As much as I wanted to believe it wasn't so. My head hung low. My heart sank and then I began to weep. The conviction I began to feel. Then the Lord reminded me of what I had said to that employee: ""All I'm saying is that if that were my child, I would be quite upset for him/her to be treated that way with the berating, humiliation and ridicule." Ouch.

Immediately after hearing these things from within my soul, I went to my husband and began telling him all about both situations I had faced. I was no longer going to deny that I was not doing the best job with my children as unto the Lord. I began praying and I was reminded of Proverbs 15:1  A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. and that my job is to not stir up anger but to give soft answers unto these children. I was reminded also that in Ephesians 6:4  And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  I am not to provoke these children but to raise. love and nurture them all while teaching them that I, too, have an Authority to answer to.

I guess now I know why we had to eat KFC that day and now this is a lesson I won't soon forget. Thank you Jesus. 

I Hate "Roundabouts!"

Driving today is supposed to be much "simpler" with these "Roundabouts." You know those things....they are supposed to make our "driving experience" much safer and smoother???

In studies, they show less accidents and a more efficient flow of traffic. According to Wikipedia, "The term roundabout is reserved for circular flow intersections where entering traffic must yield to traffic already in the circle, so that traffic is calmed and flow through the intersection is maximized along with the highest safety for pedestrians and cyclists." Interestingly enough, I find them mind boggling and get anxiety every time I approach one. Instead of feeling "safe and secure" as they were supposedly designed for, I feel more overwhelmed like I am being swallowed up and about to get lost, miss my exit/entry or even overtaken. Take for example, this extreme photo of a roundabout:

WHAT I FEEL LIKE!!!!

Now, that too me is a more accurate depiction of what "roundabouts" are. They are similar to "revolving doors" that spin round and round and round and eventually you are supposed to "hop out" at your location. If you stay in the doors or on the roundabout, you continue going around and around in the same pattern/path. Well, this is how I have felt for the past 2 years as I stopped blogging. I was stuck in a "roundabout" overwhelmed with pressure to get off an exit but just kept circling around and around. A lot has happened since I was going to begin my "Journey to Break Free". (I have Broken Free and completed those lessons; however failed short at Blogging the experience. Looking back I wish I had continued because Breaking Free brought me to where I am today.) I have since gotten married and had another child. :-) Praise God for me being able to "Break Free" from the bondage that was holding me back from being able to love another as myself and partner with him til death do us part.

Since the past 2 years had so many changes such as: going from a single mom of two precious gifts to becoming a mom of 5 precious gifts!!!! (4 of which are now teenagers and 1 lil muffin face toddler); doubling the pet residency in this home and quadrupling the food intake along with the amount of  laundry loads with the addition of a husband--I got stuck on a Roundabout!!!!! That's where you would have found me had you gone looking. I was going around and around and around going nowhere but stuck circling in the same place.

I got caught up in being a mom, being a stepmom, a wife, and then a new mom again. I got caught up in laundry, dishes, breaking up arguments and creating them too. I was going to this practice and this practice. This concert and this event. I was performing all of my roles/duties in my own strength and got stuck. Sadly, I knew all along the answer was to let my God take my burdens. I knew he would direct my paths as he is a lamp unto my feet. (Proverbs 3:6 states "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."  Psalm 119:105 reminds me: "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.")

Many days in those years I reminded myself that He was my answer, my refuge and my saviour; however, I took "quick bites/nibbles" at those thoughts. The days turned into weeks. The weeks turned into months. Before I knew it the months turned into years and this blog was put on the back burner. My spiritual relationship with Jesus was "minimally maintained" and everything was getting half of the effort that each thing/person/animal/chore deserved.

Then one day it hit me. I HATE ROUNDABOUTS but only because I wasn't using them properly. Suddenly, my eyes were opened and I remembered how I got onto the roundabout. I entered it with God and needed to get off of it the same way. It was then I decided that I had to ask Him for directions. Immediately I was once again free from the same cycle.

When Roundabouts were first introduced, I resisted them because I wasn't familiar with how to utilize them. Now that I have a better understanding of the "flow of traffic" and the "yielding" that they entail; I no longer feel like I am suffocating. Similarly, this is like my relationship with Christ. I understand the need for the "flow of communication" to him and I understand the "yielding" that our relationship must have in order for me not to feel "swallowed up" or suffocating.

Through this journey of "roundabouts" I have a new found prayer to face each day: 

Psalms 143:10  Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.

Lesson #2-Jesus died for Me?

So, the journey continues and I am well on my way. This week we focused on "Untying the Cords of the Yoke (Burden)." The texts used were: Isaiah 61:1-4, Isaiah 53:1-12, Hebrews 2:6-10

This lesson was difficult, although it touched me greatly is a sweet way, I have difficulty putting this one into my own words. When I meditate on this, all I can think of is what Jesus really did for me. He died on the cross!!! What does this mean? What did this feel like? Why would He do such a thing--really what does this look like? I'm not talking about all the pictures and paintings that are sold at "Religious Novelty Shops" or hanging in churches or scenes from a movie--but truly what does this look like and can I really understand or grasp this concept?? It is mind baffling and yet so sweet.
This lesson to me focused on "Christ being like a root out of dry ground so we could be a planting of the Lord." Jesus was "like a root out of dry ground, so I, I, Christina, could be a planting of the Lord?" Really? So according to our imaginations (which is limited by our humanness), picture a flower bulb being planted in the hard, cold ground that FORCES itself to push itself up through all the dirt and snow gradually producing a beautiful flower or plant. I guess that is what we can liken that too.

We are that bulb that is blossoming into a flower in the cold, hard ground because we are a planting of the Lord Jesus.

Release Date Announced!

Alright so here begins Lesson 1 or shall we say "Day 1" of my "not-so vacation journey!" I actually learned this all last week and began lesson 2 today BUT my friends, it is not fair for me to just blurt out what I learn immediately without meditating on it first and making it mine. So, having done that, you will actually always be a lesson behind where I am really at but to be fair to myself I must think it thru to apply it and then share what I'm thinking it all means. I want to remind you that THIS IS NOT MY STUDY. Any "educational" material is taken from Beth Moore in "Breaking Free." Only the wisecracks and my opinion about her material is mine. :-) K, if she ever decides to look into my humble blog, I want to make sure I'm not plagiarizing or stealing her hard work and credit.

(The text is from Isaiah 9:2-9, Judges 6:1-27, Judges 7:1-18)

From this lesson titled "Goals for Breaking Free" I learned that ONLY where the Spirit of the Lord is--will there be Freedom. Rephrasing that in my own terms would be that if the Spirit of the Lord is not with me or if I am outside of it, I will not experience true freedom. I also learned the God wants victory to be the rule and not the exception. This to me means that he wants defeat to be the exception and for me to be able to experience Victory after Victory after Victory in every challenge that I face. It is the enemy (devil) who wants me defeated so that I do not fulfill God's purposes; yet God, Himself, allows the devil to test me. Why would a good, loving God allow this?

I have learned that God allows me to be "oppressed" (held back, in captivity, to burden with cruel or unjust impositions or restraints) for four important reasons.
1) to test us-although we may not be ready to pass a test, He gives us "pop quizzes" to show us our unpreparedness to pass without Him and the tools He provided for us.
2) as chastisement for rebellion-when I do not walk in obedience to Him, He keeps me wandering about.
3) for lack of submitting to His authority--kind of like a parent in a way. By this I mean, when I know He is telling me to do something or not to do something and I hit the "ignore" button. Like when your kids tune into what they want to hear you say instead of what you are actually telling them! or as I refer to my kids, it is called "selective listening"--you select what you wanted to hear and PRETENDED not to hear the rest.
4) Witness warfare--which I honestly don't know exactly what that means so now I'll have to look into that more deeply and probably end up w/a whole "nother" blog post about it! YIKES!

I said earlier, why would a good, loving God allow this and I think to myself, I understand most of those reasons but how is that good? Well, He is good and he shows us His goodness and His mercy if we look deeper into how He prepared us and what tools did He provide for us to achieve the victory. At any time during my recent struggles, I knew the answers were: turn to God in prayer, read His Word and reach out to another Christian while fellowshipping or to claim His Promises. Instead, I "hit ignore." I chose none of the above. In hindsight, I murmured and complained about the church and what God wasn't doing for me. He had, ALL ALONG, given me the tools to "fix" my situation but I refused to pick them up and use them. I wanted different tools.


Are you following me on this? Basically, I had a shattered window. I foolishly tried to put the pieces back together again with a hammer, only breaking the glass more! We all know, that duct tape can fix anything so I should have picked that up to restore the window, yet I smashed it to smithereens with the wrong tool--the hammer. So, in essence, He stocks "our tool boxes" (our faith-o-meters) with the proper tools but WE are responsible for choosing the proper tools (Bible reading, prayer, claiming the Promises, etc.). My God, is so precise. He doesn't make ANY mistakes. He is all-knowing, all-powerful and even gave us a "handbook" (Bible) with ALL the answers to EVERY problem. So, to answer the question, that I posed--He is a good, loving God who has already supplied us for what we needed all along to stop the struggles/wandering but we chose to think we knew better than He and tried to fix it our way-or to not fix it at all.

His Word, spells out my rights and my heritage. His Word tells me, as an heir to His throne, (and I am His Princess for I have accepted Him to be my King (Lord & Saviour), I have an inheritance. I must learn what that is and know it! This gets me! I am the "queen of rules!" I love rules and the legal law--always have--but ONLY because I love to think outside the box and find the loopholes in them! They are a structure put in place for me to know where my boundaries begin and cease. They allow me to "constructively think" about the limitations and what "they don't say!" How can I be an "expert" on God, if I don't even know my own rights?! I would never walk into a courtroom without knowing what my rights were--how in the world can I fight these "earthly or spiritual" battles, If I don't know what my rights are either??? (Umm, I've got some serious studying to do cuz this sounds fun to me!)

Continuing on, I think of being held captive and how long can we be kept wandering or locked up? Who is in control of our "release date?" or our freedom? and how is one to "break free?" If we compare this to a jail sentence then we know that "until our time is served" or we are released on "good behavior". I believe, that God allows us to be "held captive" until we are ready to be free and we have learned what He has taught us in the barrenness. We, in fact, (as B. Moore states) hold the very keys necessary for our release!!!!

I say this to myself now after Lesson 1: "Hey, you, you've got the keys to be free, how long do you want to stay "locked up?" Then I say to myself: "Duh, I've had the keys all along and wasn't wise enough to use them!" Next time, I should try the set He supplied me with and stop trying to make my own!"

The Journey Begins: Breaking Free

So I am about to embark on a journey. No need to pack my bags; yet there are several things I believe I will be "unpacking". I am not going anywhere such as a location; yet this journey will most likely take me to the innermost parts of my heart and soul. My Friend, My Beloved, has been calling me for a long time to plan a scheduled visit--and although I've hit the "ignore" button--He just won't leave nor forsake me. I must go on this journey--despite my dragging heels and my deepest fears. I will be committed to these "travels" for 10 consecutive weeks, Lord willing. As part of my travels, I always journal while I fly. Seeing as this will be painful yet rewarding, I felt I should blog about this "trip/experience" and share with others (if anyone reads this--lol) so that I can reflect from beginning to end. Allow me to explain.

I have run. I have closed doors. I have tried to flee. But my Lord and Saviour won't let me go. He is not holding me prisoner yet He affectionately and patiently just waits for me to return. This is something I simply cannot comprehend-why He loves me so. Why He cares for me to be a part of Him and His purposes. One thing I do know for sure is that it is so and that is it. He beckons to me daily showing Himself to me; yet I, I pretend I don't recognize Him for I am fearful of His chastisement. I am ashamed that I do not deserve His love as a wretched sinner--despite being born again. I have decided to meet Him again-in the Secret Place. I have accepted His invitation (that He extended to me thru His followers) to reunite with Him. As I go to meet Him and to experience this reunion, I NEED to document the experience. Follow along, as if tucked in my suitcase with me. Cry and laugh with me as what I will experience will be deafening heartfelt and real.

I have begun a study w/some lovely ladies who love me so as if they themselves were Jesus. They forgive me and feel my pain as if they experience it themselves. We prayed about what study would be best for "where I am at in this season of my life" (see early blog posts re: seasons) and together it was decided that I needed to "Break free." What do I need to break free from? The strongholds that strongly hold me back from doing what I was created to do. The study we will be embracing is called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. (Feel free to join this journey w/me as it is available to all at any local bookstore!) Come back soon to hear about my first lesson and the valuable insight that I received from it.

Condsider the Rain--Just One Drop

As I sit on break time at work, I'm enthralled with something glistening gold and vibrantly hanging from the bush. I peer and squint to try to see if someone lost a bracelet or a ring in the bush but as I do, it moves. Hmmm...it almost looks like a lightening bug in a way--tiny and blinkety-blinking away. Even though it appears to move, it's still there--not really moving. Interesting. I see so many different colors as it goes thru the color spectrum. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue (ish), Indigo & Violet. Sometimes it stays one of those colors for what seems like a minute (in reality it must be 1-2 seconds). Mostly it stays "gold and yellowish" but the "green keeps glistening too." I am intrigued by this little tiny speck that cannot be any bigger than a bug. What is it and how does it get to be so cool? Then it starts to hit me....uh oh...it's one of those things I'm gonna have to figure out and research and over analyze just so I can understand where I am at in my life at that particular time while just sitting on the step at break time. Before I continue, I think it's only fair for me to share with the readers (lol..if there are any) that the "tiny glistening goldy-blinkety-blink speck" is a single raindrop nestled between a bush.

Now, if you know anything about me, the first thing I do is observe something. Then, I research information on the stuff I've observed. Next, I meditate on it, over analyze it and put it "in a place" of my life (Life Application). Here goes the facts about raindrops that apply to me and this life lesson.

In order to have rain you must have a cloud--a cloud is made up of water in the air (water vapor.) Along with this water are tiny particles called condensation nuclei--for instance, the little pieces of salt leftover after sea water evaporates or a particle of dust or smoke. Condensation occurs when the water vapor wraps itself around the tiny particles. Each particle (surrounded by water) becomes a tiny droplet between 0.0001 and 0.005 centimeter in diameter. (The particles range in size, therefore, the droplets range in size.) However, these droplets are too light to fall out of the sky. How will they get big enough to fall?

Picture a huge room full of tiny droplets milling around. If one droplet bumps into another droplet, the bigger droplet will "eat" the smaller droplet. This new bigger droplet will bump into other smaller droplets and become even bigger--this is called coalescence. Soon the droplet is so heavy that the cloud (or the room) can no longer hold it up and it starts falling. As it falls it eats up even more droplets. We can call the growing droplet a raindrop as soon as it reaches the size of 0.5mm in diameter or bigger. If it gets any larger than 4 millimeters, however, it will usually split into two separate drops.

The raindrop will continue falling until it reaches the ground. As it falls, sometimes a gust of wind (updraft) will force the drop back up into the cloud where it continues eating other droplets and getting bigger. When the drops finally reach the ground, the biggest drops will be the ones that bumped into and coalesced with the most droplets. The smaller drops are the ones that didn't run into as many droplets. Raindrops are different sizes for two primary reasons.

1. initial differences in particle (condensation nuclei) size
2. different rates of coalescence.
3. THIS INFORMATION WAS PROVIDED BY USGS courtesy of University of Idaho

Ok, so enough of the scientific fact as to how raindrops form and vary in size however, I find this lesson very important to "tie in" and get to the point that I feel was meant for me to understand. As you just read, "dirt/dust/salt" etc. are entrapped around these molecules and then fall and latch onto others or get to heavy and repeatedly split. I really believe that in my life, "all of the junk/drama/hard struggles" I face are the "dirt" that form my rain drops. The drops get bigger and bigger some times and fall fall fall and keep on falling. Sometimes, those drops split and form smaller drops as I dissect those problems and begin to understand how they were formed. Sometimes, I am not meant to understand how they arrived and have to accept that somethings are uncontrollable and just meant for my learning. Other times, those drops get smaller and smaller because other "junk/problems (rain drops) form off of those initial drops (problems). I definitely don't have life, problems, love or God figured out but I do know that my perspective always needs readjusting.

Some would say these things are all a coincidence, some would say they are God ordained and written for my learning. I have to choose the latter because shortly after I started this post on rain drops, unbeknown to my friend, he sent me an encouraging text that read the following:

"Consider the rain, something we have no control over that we sometimes let discourage and depress us; yet it brings growth, renewal and cleansing among other things. Just like the trials and circumstances in our life, they're not what we want, but through them God can bring growth, renewal, and cleansing. So when it rains, let it remind us that God is working all things together for good to them that love Him and are called according to His purpose."

I am thankful for noticing that "tiny glistening goldy-blinkety-blink speck" to discover it was a raindrop. I am thankful that I researched "how raindrops" are formed. I am thankful that my friend decided to randomly text a bunch of his friends an "inspiring message." Yup, this is definitely all God ordained to remind us that God is still working all things together for good to them that love Him. This is confirmation to me that I am called according to His purpose. I will consider the rain and just one drop in hopes that you too would consider the rain!

Clean Up!

First, if you don't know...one of my favorite things to do is use things of this world to glorify God and turn everything into a spiritual event. Some of you will even write to me "condemning me" for using this example. Yet, you may not even know me or where I come from. You may only know the "New Me" the one who is born-again. I am a new creature, changing into His image BUT my past is what made me who I am. I am going to continuing being who HE created, in hopes to reach some. I am about to reveal things that some of you may find appalling but you haven't lived my life and you don't know what the "world" really is and what it's like out there. I am going to share some things that I have experienced that have caused me to repent--to turn from my sin and my old lifestyle---and turn towards God and become one of His forgiven children. You may not forgive me, because you are made in the image of man (Adam) but He does. The story He wrote of my life--is for learning and I'm gonna tell it in hopes that someone truly learns and changes for His Glory. Maybe someone will be led to this post and see that they too can be forgiven.

I have been in more physical fist fights than an average "girl". I have been been stabbed in the head. Blocks of welfare cheese, pork-in-the-can, and peanut butter w/a layer of oil on the top was a monthly treat for us! Walking miles to schools in another district for a safer education and walking EVERYWHERE were a part of my daily life for a LOOOOOONNNNNNGGGG time. I have been shot at on more than one or two and even three occasions. I have driven get away cars. I rolled on the streets and played dice on the corner like a thug. I have "ganked" people. (LOL--u probably have no idea what that even means--even funnier!)

If you only pay attention to what goes on "in your own world" you probably will have no clue about who or what I am talking about. So, allow me to fill you in. Rapper "T.I" (also known as Clifford Harris) has recently been convicted of possession of illegal weapons.... long story short--he did in fact do this and is not disputing it or the situation that led him to do such a thing. In his world, it's a part of everyday living. Here are some of the "world's rules": Wear the "right colors", keep your mouth shut, don't snitch, mind your business, it's all about you and yours, don't get caught and do whatcha gotta do to "get yours."

In order to get a "lighter sentence" and be a role model to others, he has made a campaign of ads against what he did and even a t.v. show called "T.I's road to redemption."Nevertheless, he has also come out w/a song with "J.T" (Justin Timberlake) called "Dead and Gone." The lyrics are filled with cussing, explain violence and choices. I will spare you the words to that but want to focus on the chorus. It goes like this:

"I turn my head to the east
I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west
still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north,
swallow that pill
that they call pride
The old me is dead and gone,
the new me will be alright"

The point that I'm trying to get at is that when I first heard these lyrics I thought about a lot of parallels that this song really could represent for "The Road to Redemption." Now, put aside the fact that the rapper got busted doing something wrong and is trying to do "good" for the community so he can have a lighter sentence. And read how the lyrics could be used to reach others--those that had "gangster" lifestyles or those that grew up in the "less fortunate areas" that are taught the "worlds way of survival".

When someone gets "caught up" in the wrong crowd or is at the wrong place at the wrong time, or when they make bad decisions that affect the rest of their lives, generally they find themselves alone. All those people they hung out with, all those friends they "ran with," all those people who showed them "this way of life" bail on them as they have to serve their time or only continue to "plot" with them the next scheme to get more money or how to continue their life of crime behind bars.

So I suggest, we use this chorus to say--you turn to both sides and find yourself alone, correct? If you turn your head to the north, and swallow that pill called pride you too could find Jesus as your Savior and the "The old me (you) is dead and gone, the new me (you) will be alright." Coming to Jesus and repenting of your sins is a very difficult thing for many to do because of a thing called PRIDE! So, if one can "swallow the pill called pride" (and accept Him) then the old self will be dead and gone and the new self will be alright.

I find it very interesting that his show is called the Road to Redemption and that the lyrics of his song can point those to the REAL road to redemption. I don't know much, but I do know this: I am a new creature. Old things are passed away. All things are created new. And this includes me. Instead of running from the world, I've decided that it's time for me to run back to it with all the new things I've learned and continue to share my story as it is! I have a lot of things that if I could do over again differently I would but that's not how my story was written! I will continue daily to struggle-but I will continue to know how FORGIVEN I am and let others know how they too can be forgiven PLUS still keep making mistakes~~because after all, we will always be sinners. I want others to know that Jesus doesn't forgive us just once---he forgives us completely. I want others to know that people are unforgiving--not Him.

In My Backpack Or At The Cross?

I watched a movie the other evening and I couldn't help but continue thinking about it for days afterwards. I kept meditating on one small part of the movie, for who knows what reason; and just couldn't let it go. Without going into all of the details and plot of the movie, I'll tell you where I kept getting stuck in my thoughts.

This guy was in his early 40's and he went around doing seminars. You know the type...the Tony Robinson type sales-pitch, motivational, goal setting and achievement type of seminars. His theme was called "What's in your backpack?" and he told the audience to close their eyes and imagine having a backpack on and "fill it with all your little trinkets and knick-knacks that they've collected over the years." He then proceeded to instruct them to "keep visualizing and add to the backpack all of their clothes, personal items, and then their furniture. Back pack is getting heavy eh?" Then he says: "Now add to this backpack ANYONE you have ever had an interaction or encounter with (a smile, a hello, a handshake etc.), now add acquaintances, co-workers. Add to that the people who really matter...the relationships that matter...friends, sisters, brothers, children, spouses/partners etc., Backpack is REALLY heavy now, eh?"

Well, I hate to tell you but you never get to hear the whole speech of his seminar...this movie only touches on little facets of his life. I bet though if they did show the whole seminar pitch, he would've had said that "These are the things that we carry around all day, every day and that they wear us down." I believe he also would have said: "Get rid of as many of these things as possible by emptying your backpack and not carrying around all of the baggage that comes from these items/relationships." Now this is just a guess as to what he MAY have said (if they showed the whole scenario) and I'm basing this on the fact that he was in his early-mid 40's, no marriage (ever), no kids (ever) and no monogamous relationship. He was a "fly by the seat of your pants kind-of guy" who went and did his job wherever he was told to go and he never really stayed at home or kept in contact with his family.

Why did this intrigue me??? (Get over the fact that I watched a movie and follow me on this one as to how things of this world get us to think of a Greater God.) I kept thinking about what would my backpack feel like? I kept thinking about all the volunteer work that I'm involved in. All the roles that my life has. All the interactions on a daily basis that I have. And, oh boy, all the "stuff" I've accumulated along the way. Wow....THIS IS HEAVY! I knew that the answer was definitely NOT what this movie would have portrayed but how would I ever empty/lighten my backpack?

One by one, I wanted to "unpack" my bag. Item by item, problem by problem, relationship by relationship I would have to "remove" these things. Then it hit me. I already had the answer and just needed to be refreshed that HE is the answer. My backpack is getting lighter these days because I have been reminded to take each "thing/problem/situation/decision" and pull it out and pray to God about what to do with it. This doesn't mean I have to "throw these things/people away." It just means to lay my burdens at the feet of the cross. He will pick them up and He will decide what I need to keep and what is no good for me. I need to continue to remember that He is God and not I. I can be a vessel/tool to listen to people and assist with their needs but ONLY HE can fulfill them. Only He can have His Will done.

I feel bad for those that watched that movie and don't know my beautiful Savior! If they could have their eyes opened to see that "ending relationships or throwing things away" is not the way to have their burdens lightened BUT to lay them at the feet of the cross...one by one...and begin a new relationship w/God (or rekindle an old one) is the BEST answer.

Where shall I put the things that wear me down? I can carry them in my heavy laden backpack OR I can place them at the foot of the Cross. I'm an everlasting work in progress who doesn't have all the answers but I do have One and it's Him. Thank you sweet Jesus for this reminder!