Release Date Announced!

Alright so here begins Lesson 1 or shall we say "Day 1" of my "not-so vacation journey!" I actually learned this all last week and began lesson 2 today BUT my friends, it is not fair for me to just blurt out what I learn immediately without meditating on it first and making it mine. So, having done that, you will actually always be a lesson behind where I am really at but to be fair to myself I must think it thru to apply it and then share what I'm thinking it all means. I want to remind you that THIS IS NOT MY STUDY. Any "educational" material is taken from Beth Moore in "Breaking Free." Only the wisecracks and my opinion about her material is mine. :-) K, if she ever decides to look into my humble blog, I want to make sure I'm not plagiarizing or stealing her hard work and credit.

(The text is from Isaiah 9:2-9, Judges 6:1-27, Judges 7:1-18)

From this lesson titled "Goals for Breaking Free" I learned that ONLY where the Spirit of the Lord is--will there be Freedom. Rephrasing that in my own terms would be that if the Spirit of the Lord is not with me or if I am outside of it, I will not experience true freedom. I also learned the God wants victory to be the rule and not the exception. This to me means that he wants defeat to be the exception and for me to be able to experience Victory after Victory after Victory in every challenge that I face. It is the enemy (devil) who wants me defeated so that I do not fulfill God's purposes; yet God, Himself, allows the devil to test me. Why would a good, loving God allow this?

I have learned that God allows me to be "oppressed" (held back, in captivity, to burden with cruel or unjust impositions or restraints) for four important reasons.
1) to test us-although we may not be ready to pass a test, He gives us "pop quizzes" to show us our unpreparedness to pass without Him and the tools He provided for us.
2) as chastisement for rebellion-when I do not walk in obedience to Him, He keeps me wandering about.
3) for lack of submitting to His authority--kind of like a parent in a way. By this I mean, when I know He is telling me to do something or not to do something and I hit the "ignore" button. Like when your kids tune into what they want to hear you say instead of what you are actually telling them! or as I refer to my kids, it is called "selective listening"--you select what you wanted to hear and PRETENDED not to hear the rest.
4) Witness warfare--which I honestly don't know exactly what that means so now I'll have to look into that more deeply and probably end up w/a whole "nother" blog post about it! YIKES!

I said earlier, why would a good, loving God allow this and I think to myself, I understand most of those reasons but how is that good? Well, He is good and he shows us His goodness and His mercy if we look deeper into how He prepared us and what tools did He provide for us to achieve the victory. At any time during my recent struggles, I knew the answers were: turn to God in prayer, read His Word and reach out to another Christian while fellowshipping or to claim His Promises. Instead, I "hit ignore." I chose none of the above. In hindsight, I murmured and complained about the church and what God wasn't doing for me. He had, ALL ALONG, given me the tools to "fix" my situation but I refused to pick them up and use them. I wanted different tools.


Are you following me on this? Basically, I had a shattered window. I foolishly tried to put the pieces back together again with a hammer, only breaking the glass more! We all know, that duct tape can fix anything so I should have picked that up to restore the window, yet I smashed it to smithereens with the wrong tool--the hammer. So, in essence, He stocks "our tool boxes" (our faith-o-meters) with the proper tools but WE are responsible for choosing the proper tools (Bible reading, prayer, claiming the Promises, etc.). My God, is so precise. He doesn't make ANY mistakes. He is all-knowing, all-powerful and even gave us a "handbook" (Bible) with ALL the answers to EVERY problem. So, to answer the question, that I posed--He is a good, loving God who has already supplied us for what we needed all along to stop the struggles/wandering but we chose to think we knew better than He and tried to fix it our way-or to not fix it at all.

His Word, spells out my rights and my heritage. His Word tells me, as an heir to His throne, (and I am His Princess for I have accepted Him to be my King (Lord & Saviour), I have an inheritance. I must learn what that is and know it! This gets me! I am the "queen of rules!" I love rules and the legal law--always have--but ONLY because I love to think outside the box and find the loopholes in them! They are a structure put in place for me to know where my boundaries begin and cease. They allow me to "constructively think" about the limitations and what "they don't say!" How can I be an "expert" on God, if I don't even know my own rights?! I would never walk into a courtroom without knowing what my rights were--how in the world can I fight these "earthly or spiritual" battles, If I don't know what my rights are either??? (Umm, I've got some serious studying to do cuz this sounds fun to me!)

Continuing on, I think of being held captive and how long can we be kept wandering or locked up? Who is in control of our "release date?" or our freedom? and how is one to "break free?" If we compare this to a jail sentence then we know that "until our time is served" or we are released on "good behavior". I believe, that God allows us to be "held captive" until we are ready to be free and we have learned what He has taught us in the barrenness. We, in fact, (as B. Moore states) hold the very keys necessary for our release!!!!

I say this to myself now after Lesson 1: "Hey, you, you've got the keys to be free, how long do you want to stay "locked up?" Then I say to myself: "Duh, I've had the keys all along and wasn't wise enough to use them!" Next time, I should try the set He supplied me with and stop trying to make my own!"

The Journey Begins: Breaking Free

So I am about to embark on a journey. No need to pack my bags; yet there are several things I believe I will be "unpacking". I am not going anywhere such as a location; yet this journey will most likely take me to the innermost parts of my heart and soul. My Friend, My Beloved, has been calling me for a long time to plan a scheduled visit--and although I've hit the "ignore" button--He just won't leave nor forsake me. I must go on this journey--despite my dragging heels and my deepest fears. I will be committed to these "travels" for 10 consecutive weeks, Lord willing. As part of my travels, I always journal while I fly. Seeing as this will be painful yet rewarding, I felt I should blog about this "trip/experience" and share with others (if anyone reads this--lol) so that I can reflect from beginning to end. Allow me to explain.

I have run. I have closed doors. I have tried to flee. But my Lord and Saviour won't let me go. He is not holding me prisoner yet He affectionately and patiently just waits for me to return. This is something I simply cannot comprehend-why He loves me so. Why He cares for me to be a part of Him and His purposes. One thing I do know for sure is that it is so and that is it. He beckons to me daily showing Himself to me; yet I, I pretend I don't recognize Him for I am fearful of His chastisement. I am ashamed that I do not deserve His love as a wretched sinner--despite being born again. I have decided to meet Him again-in the Secret Place. I have accepted His invitation (that He extended to me thru His followers) to reunite with Him. As I go to meet Him and to experience this reunion, I NEED to document the experience. Follow along, as if tucked in my suitcase with me. Cry and laugh with me as what I will experience will be deafening heartfelt and real.

I have begun a study w/some lovely ladies who love me so as if they themselves were Jesus. They forgive me and feel my pain as if they experience it themselves. We prayed about what study would be best for "where I am at in this season of my life" (see early blog posts re: seasons) and together it was decided that I needed to "Break free." What do I need to break free from? The strongholds that strongly hold me back from doing what I was created to do. The study we will be embracing is called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. (Feel free to join this journey w/me as it is available to all at any local bookstore!) Come back soon to hear about my first lesson and the valuable insight that I received from it.

Condsider the Rain--Just One Drop

As I sit on break time at work, I'm enthralled with something glistening gold and vibrantly hanging from the bush. I peer and squint to try to see if someone lost a bracelet or a ring in the bush but as I do, it moves. Hmmm...it almost looks like a lightening bug in a way--tiny and blinkety-blinking away. Even though it appears to move, it's still there--not really moving. Interesting. I see so many different colors as it goes thru the color spectrum. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue (ish), Indigo & Violet. Sometimes it stays one of those colors for what seems like a minute (in reality it must be 1-2 seconds). Mostly it stays "gold and yellowish" but the "green keeps glistening too." I am intrigued by this little tiny speck that cannot be any bigger than a bug. What is it and how does it get to be so cool? Then it starts to hit me....uh oh...it's one of those things I'm gonna have to figure out and research and over analyze just so I can understand where I am at in my life at that particular time while just sitting on the step at break time. Before I continue, I think it's only fair for me to share with the readers (lol..if there are any) that the "tiny glistening goldy-blinkety-blink speck" is a single raindrop nestled between a bush.

Now, if you know anything about me, the first thing I do is observe something. Then, I research information on the stuff I've observed. Next, I meditate on it, over analyze it and put it "in a place" of my life (Life Application). Here goes the facts about raindrops that apply to me and this life lesson.

In order to have rain you must have a cloud--a cloud is made up of water in the air (water vapor.) Along with this water are tiny particles called condensation nuclei--for instance, the little pieces of salt leftover after sea water evaporates or a particle of dust or smoke. Condensation occurs when the water vapor wraps itself around the tiny particles. Each particle (surrounded by water) becomes a tiny droplet between 0.0001 and 0.005 centimeter in diameter. (The particles range in size, therefore, the droplets range in size.) However, these droplets are too light to fall out of the sky. How will they get big enough to fall?

Picture a huge room full of tiny droplets milling around. If one droplet bumps into another droplet, the bigger droplet will "eat" the smaller droplet. This new bigger droplet will bump into other smaller droplets and become even bigger--this is called coalescence. Soon the droplet is so heavy that the cloud (or the room) can no longer hold it up and it starts falling. As it falls it eats up even more droplets. We can call the growing droplet a raindrop as soon as it reaches the size of 0.5mm in diameter or bigger. If it gets any larger than 4 millimeters, however, it will usually split into two separate drops.

The raindrop will continue falling until it reaches the ground. As it falls, sometimes a gust of wind (updraft) will force the drop back up into the cloud where it continues eating other droplets and getting bigger. When the drops finally reach the ground, the biggest drops will be the ones that bumped into and coalesced with the most droplets. The smaller drops are the ones that didn't run into as many droplets. Raindrops are different sizes for two primary reasons.

1. initial differences in particle (condensation nuclei) size
2. different rates of coalescence.
3. THIS INFORMATION WAS PROVIDED BY USGS courtesy of University of Idaho

Ok, so enough of the scientific fact as to how raindrops form and vary in size however, I find this lesson very important to "tie in" and get to the point that I feel was meant for me to understand. As you just read, "dirt/dust/salt" etc. are entrapped around these molecules and then fall and latch onto others or get to heavy and repeatedly split. I really believe that in my life, "all of the junk/drama/hard struggles" I face are the "dirt" that form my rain drops. The drops get bigger and bigger some times and fall fall fall and keep on falling. Sometimes, those drops split and form smaller drops as I dissect those problems and begin to understand how they were formed. Sometimes, I am not meant to understand how they arrived and have to accept that somethings are uncontrollable and just meant for my learning. Other times, those drops get smaller and smaller because other "junk/problems (rain drops) form off of those initial drops (problems). I definitely don't have life, problems, love or God figured out but I do know that my perspective always needs readjusting.

Some would say these things are all a coincidence, some would say they are God ordained and written for my learning. I have to choose the latter because shortly after I started this post on rain drops, unbeknown to my friend, he sent me an encouraging text that read the following:

"Consider the rain, something we have no control over that we sometimes let discourage and depress us; yet it brings growth, renewal and cleansing among other things. Just like the trials and circumstances in our life, they're not what we want, but through them God can bring growth, renewal, and cleansing. So when it rains, let it remind us that God is working all things together for good to them that love Him and are called according to His purpose."

I am thankful for noticing that "tiny glistening goldy-blinkety-blink speck" to discover it was a raindrop. I am thankful that I researched "how raindrops" are formed. I am thankful that my friend decided to randomly text a bunch of his friends an "inspiring message." Yup, this is definitely all God ordained to remind us that God is still working all things together for good to them that love Him. This is confirmation to me that I am called according to His purpose. I will consider the rain and just one drop in hopes that you too would consider the rain!